page one
I have had that verse memorized since childhood. My belief in Jesus was as basic and foundational as breathing. Jesus was up close and personal while God was out there somewhere; unsullied; the purity of Goodness and Love, but a tad bit eccentric and all that. Jesus was my brother. Jesus had first hand knowledge of human pain and agony, loneliness and isolation. I could relate to that. Jesus had experienced life and death as a human. Jesus had a pretty good idea what it was like to be, Ron Olson. Jesus understood. Jesus was the mediator between God and people. When “The Father” was uncomprehending, Jesus would speak up for me. Jesus was good, kind, gentle, patient, faithful; the Fruits of the Spirit. Jesus was an accessible human manifestation of Unconditional Love.
Being part of an evangelical community of believers, I was submersed in the sin, guilt, repentance, salvation ethic. As an eight year old and already heavily weighed down with guilt and fear, I asked Jesus to come into my heart. I experienced the classic born again transformation. I experienced a whoosh! I was surprised to find out later, not everyone experiences a, whoosh. Some, many, perhaps most, feel no different after asking Jesus into their heart. I certainly did. Like Christian, the main character in John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress, I felt a great burden removed from my little shoulders. I felt like I could just float away. It was an Ebenezer experience; one I would return to many times in my life when I felt like there was just no sense keeping on keeping on. This isn’t everyone’s experience, but it was mine.
Jesus was the one I would talk to. Jesus was the one I could relate to. Jesus represented all that was hopeful and good. I felt like Jesus would Love me when no one else could. As I grew older, it was Jesus who represented The One who was my Teacher, my Guide, my Leader. When I found myself sitting in the middle of life’s muddy puddle, it was Jesus who silently and kindly sat beside me. When I wrote the poem, He, Jesus was The One who gentled the raging stallion like no other. Jesus was The One who ran beside me into the wind. It was Jesus I demanded a bouquet of roses from, and it was Jesus who satisfied my need.
Whatever Jesus was, I thoroughly Loved it. I believed in Jesus when I believed in nothing else.
Ultimately, it was Jesus who taught me to establish my life on Truth. He began the Truth Lesson by teaching me what I could expect if I allowed my peers to determine what was and what wasn’t Truth. It was Jesus who showed me Truth was everywhere; Truth was as common as grains of sand on an ocean floor. I simply needed to look with eyes that honestly wanted to see. It was Jesus who instructed me by his example to severely test every spirit, every word, everything given to me by man and everything originating from within. It was Jesus who gave me the courage and tenacity to ask those dark and ominous questions; demanding answers with substance, credibility and empiricism. He taught me to be uncompromising in my quest for what was real. If it didn’t hold water in my eyes, I wasn’t going to step foot in it much less set sail. On the other hand, if it resonated within my spirit as Truth, I was willing to walk on water even if everyone else stayed asleep in the boat. It was Jesus who gave me the courage to affirm Truth regardless of repercussions. It was Jesus who as my trusted older brother encouraged me to place my confidence in what DadMom had so carefully placed within me. It was Jesus who gave me the distaste for second hand knowledge and relationship. It was Jesus who drew the line in the sand, saying, “You can either trust Me, or you can trust them. You can either relate to Me, or you can relate to them. You can’t have it both ways.”
Many times, in conversations with a brother or a sister, when repercussions from an expressed Truth were startling and kind of scary, I was left holding the bag. All I could honestly say was: I don’t know. I felt no need to capitulate because I was journeying one Truth at a time. Often I could only explain that the Truths which determined my present position were not negotiable; regardless of what these Truths seemed to be saying about a religious society's long held beliefs and traditions, the beliefs and traditions were the negotiable items and not the Truths.
This may sound like I was arrogant and egotistical. I wasn’t. One, I believed I was nothing out of the ordinary; every one of God’s children had an equal potential for the kind of intimacy I was demanding. And secondly, my confidence was in my Teacher, my Guide and my Leader and not in myself. I was and am still very capable of making poor judgments. However, these poor judgments were not and are not a source of condemnation, but a wholesome part of a healthy learning curve made possible by the infinite Grace and Love of my Teacher. If I wasn’t hearing Jesus words accurately, placing my belief and confidence in a crutch would simply cripple our relationship further. I needed to learn to listen fearlessly; to listen with more focus and openness of spirit. Leaning on another human being, either directly or once, twice, multiple times removed, would place that human being between me and Jesus, kind of like lettng a mother-in-law dictate the terms of relationship between spouses. That was not an acceptable arrangement. Even now, the thought of someone coming between my BrotherSister and me makes my heart break and my eyes hot with tears. It simply wasn’t and isn’t going to happen.
I matured in the presence of Jesus. Paul said it something like this: When I was a child, I thought as a child. Now that I am an adult, I must think like an adult. Now we see as though through a glass darkly. Then, we shall see as it really is. My glass was still pretty cloudy, but I was beginning to make out images others seemed to be unaware of.
Return to Theology Content Page
Return to Main Content Page
