On Being an Adult and Not Just a Grown-Up: Page four
	Knowing the source of your dysfunction and dealing with it are two different realities. It would be wise to place yourself under the care of a knowledgeable counselor like my tried, true,tested and trusted counselor, Rich, when you endeavor to deal with your pain.  When I finally delved into my origins issues; exposed all the pain and agony; addressed all the infected emotions and pus laden fears; when I re-entered the memories of my childhood years and once again felt the pain associated with the destructive tenor of those crippling experiences and refused to run away, it hurt. I had emergency surgery for a tennis ball size abdominal hernia as a result of my gut wrenching sobbing! When I say it hurts, I know what I'm talking about!  It really does hurt.  It was well worth the pain, but it did hurt. In my late-thirties I wrote about that hurt:                                                                 I’m Hurt, Is All…                                                 You may wonder why I act the way I do…                                                 I’m hurt, is all.                                                 I had hidden the wound                                                     beneath thick bandages                                                         of intellectualization;                                                 But, today…                                                     today, intellectualization and understanding                                                         were taken away from me.                                                 I no longer understand.                                                                 It is no longer possible for me to hide behind                                                     walls of empirical masonry;                                                 I’m exposed.                                                 The scarlet wound throbs                                                     with fearful nakedness.                                                 I’m vulnerable.                                                 Even the innocent brush of calloused hands                                                     sends waves of anguish through my infected soul.                                                 Still, I mustn’t scream so loud;                                                     it frightens the sleeping, unborn Isaac.                                                 Nothing to worry about, though;                                                     really.                                                 But, if you’re wondering why I cringe the way I do…                                                     I’m hurt, is all.                                                10-30-87 I’ve never been afraid to cry.  I tell my students, real men aren’t afraid to cry. Crying is as natural as smiling. Those who don’t cry are resisting nature and will experience a distortion in their lives because of it. I considered crying to be an honorable thing.  However, there is crying and then there is crying.  I guess there are levels of crying.  I kept a pretty tight lid on the deeper levels, it seems. Actually dealing with our origins issues can be an extremely frightening and painful experience. We willingly destroy our real world and the worlds of those who depend on us just to avoid waking the demons inside. Our inner child has things locked up tight because nothing is safe; the Boogey Man is real; and above all else, it hurts.  We run away from this stuff because it can be lethal. As a child, owning all of our appropriate fury and rage and thus expressing it instead of suppressing it would only have brought on more of the same.  That child; the real you, your True Self, is frozen in time and just as fearful that something horrible will happen if you stop suppressing and start owning, experiencing and expressing. You’re not a child any more, and that complicates things. But, until you deal with your child’s fears, you will only be a grown-up, and not an Adult. Remember, no matter what you see or hear or feel, the other person is not causing your pain.  That other person is just kindly telling you, albeit through their annoying behavior, there is something preventing you from experiencing the joy and peace of Adulthood. So, when they do what they do, whatever it is, tell them thanks, and with help from those who help, whack a demon, or light a cherry bomb up the Boogey Man’s ass! Get the job done and enjoy a well deserved Adulthood. REMEMBER:  Beneficent Parentalism declares, there are only reasons. There are reasons why you feel the way you feel and behave the way you behave.  There are physics-based reasons.  There isn't a bad boy or a nasty girl inside.  There isn't a sinful evil presence inside.  There is simply a frightened child who believes eveything their well-intentioned childhood caregivers told them through their words and actions.  You were right to be frightened back then. To survive you had to capitulate, raise the white flag and sacrifice your True Self.  But you are an Adult, now. Your brain is now matured and you are as of this moment capable of Adulthood.  I will offer a means to re-establish your Adulthood.  For now, it is important you know why it is you are incapable of behaving in an Adult fashion.  Knowing you are sick is the first step in experiencing healing.
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