From Attachment Experience to Adult Relationships: Page five
	Because an origins deficient grown-up's emotional development was stifled at an early age, they are trapped at that developmental level, and unless effectively addressed, though they be fifty-five years old, they will view themselves as an intimidated and frightened child and defend themselves as if they were that child. As a grown-up, however, it is assumed by society that the individual is capable of dealing with these rogue emotions.  He’s six feet tall, a hundred ninety pounds, in his thirties, of course he should be able to control his emotions.  He has been "dumped on," to be sure, but society expects him to, on a moment to moment basis, respond as if these attachment experience-based, Self-destructive emotions had no part in his life’s foundational experience.  Never mind that an individual's attachment experience years are the frame of reference for the individual, if one's body is old enough, tall enough, heavy enough, wide and thick enough, they are expected to behave independent of this frame of reference.  It is probably the fact that he is the only individual in a position to deal with these rogue emotions, that he has been given the honor of being “responsible” for them.  In light of comtemporary brain science research, the individual is unequivocally not responsible for these rogue emotions. However, as unfair as it is, and it is most definitely unfair, these wild, unruly rogue emotions are the "responsibility" of a terrorized, fearful, insecure, vulnerable, Self-doubting, hurting, pain ridden grown-up-child; a telemarketer with phone-a-phobia; an arachnid-a-phobic being sent into a dark, damp ancient basement to get rid of the spiders; a child being made responsible for undoing the mistakes of their grown-up caregivers.  Something is backwards here. The unfairness in child development is that grown-up-children are making decisions for their child that will not just affect their ability to build satisfying relationships, they are making decisions for their child that will all but determine the child’s ability to build satisfying relationships, all at a time in the child's life when the child will have no specific memory of what experiences the grown-up caregiver provided for them; what it was that put them in a merciless emotional straight-jacket.  It cannot be stressed beyond usefulness that childhood attachment experiences are the building blocks for how grown-ups "perceive" and thus "respond" to their world.  Attachment experiences don't just influence, they determine "perception," because every experience must pass through and be made to give credence to the perceived world the attachment experiences have determined exists. Healthy attachments produce realistic "perceptions."  Unhealthy attachments produce distorted "perceptions."  The ghosts of childhood, shrouded in the nebulous, indistinct, "perception" skewing cloud of painful experience, will ceaselessly torment the individual until some other life changing metamorphosis occurs in the form of dynamic experience. They will not just go away; disappear at some magical point in one's experiential development.  The irony is that the act of exposing and demystifying those childhood ghosts and the life systems that have been created to prop them up, and are thus, the basis for what fragments of security the individual has managed to establish; this exposing and demystifying is so terrifying and causes such insecurity and anxiety, pain and trauma, that the individual more often than not chooses to blame some external mechanism rather than experience the life changing metamorphosis within their grasp. In actuality, by continuing in painful patterns of living, the individual is giving those ghosts permission to influence, if not control his life.  To begin to grasp the terror associated with these childhood ghosts, watch, “The Boogeyman,” alone and in the dark.  There ain’t no way I’m gonna open that there closet door! I don’t care how good you say my life is gonna be if I do, cause if I do, I’ll be a pile of ground round, unable to die, but wishing I was dead. It can be a relieving or a terrifying realization that the pain is actually coming from within and not from without, that the pain has its source in the fires that rage internally rather than from any external fire. The benefit is that the individual cannot control outside fires, but has full control over internal fires. As the realization that the other person is not actually the cause of the terrible pain sinks in, significant amounts of energy are freed up, in that there is no longer the need to protect one's-self with energy consuming anger.  This realization is an experience that makes it possible to address, change and actually escape the debilitating pain, to be free and for the first time in their existence, experience unthreatenable confidence and actually live.  [Please note that this concept has nothing to do with any form of physical abuse.  The only acceptable response to physical violence is seeking safety for yourself and your children, immediately followed with legal action.] This isn't saying the other person has no problems and in no conceivable way does it legitimize any "self-"compromising actions of the other person, but, in its defense, it is a "savior" in "wolf's clothing."  The other person’s self-compromising behavior is helping the individual recognize what their own self-compromising behavior is attempting to direct their attention to. It is very likely the dynamics of attachment/self-image issues act as a magnet, either in the attraction to a "self" complimenting opposite, or a "self" reflecting synopsis.  Individuals with attachment/self-image issues are attracted to each other.  Nature may have come to the understanding that these issues need to be exposed to the daylight if they are to be resolved.
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